No Second Chance
by DarkF4s
Summary: Beast Boy's heart is broken by a dark girl. How does he feel? Read to find out!
1. No Second Chance

A/N: Just a one-shot I wrote in my free time. Might write more of I get enough requests. But review in the end anyway, please.

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own the Teen Titans.

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_**No Second Chance**_

Everyone deserves a second chance. Robin used to say this, and I had believed him. Maybe I was just naïve, or maybe it was the hope of finding true love in life, but I believed him. I couldn't accept that there were choices that couldn't be deleted, forgotten. I wanted to be with her. With Raven. And now. Now I'm too late.

I'm sitting in my room. The mess on the floor is nothing compared to how messed up my feelings are. I'm trying to get my thoughts together, to rethink where I went wrong. But she's lurking in my heart. She has been there for long time. At first I tried to ignore the feeling that had overwhelmed me every time I stood next to her. I thought I was just nervous and afraid of her. After all, she wouldn't have had any problems tearing me into tiny pieces in seconds thanks to her powers. I was nothing for her, a mere fly, an annoyance. At least that was the way she had behaved with me around. She was always so closed into her own little world, I thought that she was just heartless. And when I had finally learnt of the truth…I thought I'd kill myself.

Long time has passed and my feelings for her didn't disappear. Instead they grew even stronger and I could no longer deny what I felt for the dark girl. It was love. It wasn't the kind of love I had felt for Terra before. I had loved Terra's attitude and the way she looked like. It had felt like she was an angel who had come to this world to make it better. I was lost in that love and it hurt like hell when I had found out she was allied with Slade. I'm kinda glad that in the end she had realized her mistakes. I still miss her. I can't deny it. I still love her with a fragment of my heart. I always will.

But to love Raven…it's totally different. It would seem, that she has nothing attractive. She's overly sarcastic, dark and rude and thousands of other things that make her so easy to despise sometimes. But there's something hidden beneath this appearance. My love for her is…heavenly. She isn't pretty. No, she's absolutely beautiful. I can't tell what is it exactly that makes her just so easy to love, but it's as if she was more of a feeling than a person. I love her, because she makes me feel good, at peace. I always calm down when I'm around her. With her my life seems complete. All my life I've been running away from my past. The teasing I had to endure because of the way I looked like had made me to hide behind an image of a joker. But with her I didn't need to pretend. I didn't need to play my fake emotions of happiness. Her darkness is so soothing, it draws you, makes you want to fall asleep on her gentle shoulder, to hug her and never let go of her. She's like a magnet to me, the core of my universe. My love, Raven.

So, I had realized that I love her. But I just couldn't tell her. It wasn't fear any longer, but…still it worried me how would she react. I feared that she might reject me. So many times have I been pushed away, cast out. I had run away from my problems too often. I just couldn't face them. She was the only one I would've ever trusted to know my secrets that were buried in my soul. But I couldn't force myself to tell her how I felt. And so I decided to wait. Maybe I thought that luck would bring us together, or that maybe she'll confess that she loves me. Anyway, now I know it was a fool's hope. And I was the greatest fool.

It's been two years since our friendship had begun to blossom. I was happy just to be with her and she seemed to enjoy the time spent with me. Despite her emotions affecting her powers she would still have fun with me. Those two years were the best ones of my life. We were behaving like children. I kinda feel ashamed now for what I used to do back then. Laughing at idiotic jokes, playing games, and even more laughing. I could never believe that Raven would be able to have so much fun without actually destroying something.

But after those two wonderful years…something had changed. I can't really remember when did I notice, but Raven started to act strange around me. She started seeing me less and less. Whenever I invited her to the pizzeria, or the cinema she had something else on work. After some time it started bothering me, as I longed for the time spent with my love. And so I started to…investigate why was she seeing me so rarely. I wish I could now go back in time and tell myself not to look for the answer. It had ruined my life.

Why? Why couldn't I have seen it earlier? It was so obvious and I still couldn't see the plain truth. He had loved her as well. The masked leader of our small team also loved the dark Titan. And unlike me, he had enough courage to confess his feelings to her. After that…well, it was really quite simple. Some dates and after that their relationship was on its way. And my heart was broken again. But this pain was far greater than that of Terra's betrayal. This time it was a nightmare come true.

I've cried through many nights, looking at the photos of Rae and me. My favourite is the one I had taken in a restaurant. I had taken it on a night when the whole team went out into the town to celebrate our victory against Plasmus. We went into a small Mexican restaurant. We were having a great time and even Raven was having fun. On the photo she can be seen as she's holding a glass of wine which we drank that night. Her violet hair surrounding her smiling angelic face. Although the picture itself turned out to be blurry, it still reminds me of one of the best nights ever in my life. Of course Raven drank a liiiitle bit more than she could take, so after coming back to the tower the two of us went down to walk on the shore. She was clearly under the influence of the alcohol, what was clearly seen as she was walking from one side of the road to the other. She was repeating over and over again that she wasn't drunk, while I was constantly teasing her that she shouldn't have drunk so much. She was so cute, so lovely. And at that moment I was just happy to be with her.

So you can imagine how mad I was when I finally found out that she was dating Robin. I wasn't mad at her. I could never be mad at my dark angel. She was so innocent in all this. I wasn't mad at Robin either. I tried to hate him. For taking my love away from me, for making me feel so miserable. But I couldn't hate him. There was only one person to blame and hate. Me.

For some weeks now I've sunk into this…depression that is consuming my soul. I know that the others have already noticed. The first one to try and make me happier was of course Cyborg. He missed his little green buddy to play video games and go to discos and parties. How could he misjudge me like that? I wasn't interested in all these things. Raven had become the only thing in my life. I thought about her from the morning until I went to sleep late at night. Discos and games were the least of my concerns. The next time to talk to me was Starfire. I thought that maybe she might be able to help, as she was also saddened by Robin's choice. She loves him, and he could never notice the poor Tamaranian girl's affectionate behaviour towards him. So, we have kinda the same fate, both our hearts broken because of losing time with the ones we love so much. But Starfire was also looking for someone to comfort her and I wasn't in a state where I could make her feel better, so we both parted. And yesterday she had talked to me. Raven.

She came to me, when I was sitting on the couch in the common room, staring at the wall, deep in thoughts and sorrow. I haven't noticed her until she sat down close to me and put her arm around my neck. I turned towards her. I could see she was worried about something.

"BB, what's wrong?" she asked me. At that moment I wanted to cry and tell her about all the pain within me. But I couldn't I didn't want to ruin her happy relationship with Robin. I wanted her to be happy, even if it meant for me to be alone and sad.

"Nothing." I said and turned away from her.

"Please, BB, don't lie to me. I know something's bothering you. All of us can see it. You're becoming distant to us, you barely talk to us anymore!"

"Don't worry, I'm okay." I lied. But she obviously didn't believe me.

"BB, I know you're not telling me something. Please, if now's the time to say what you want." she insisted. I was confused. The only thing I was able to do was chuckle hysterically.

"You don't know what's this about Rae. You wouldn't understand." I told her.

"I think I know what's your problem." she said. The hysterical smile disappeared from my face as I became terrified. "Could she actually know?" I thought to myself. I just sighed and remained silent. Raven just continued sitting there waiting for my answer. After a long while I finally thought of a way out of this mess.

"What's your guess?" I asked her, forcing her to take the initiative. She was a bit surprised and blushed.

"But if I'm wrong I'll look like an idiot in your eyes." Raven said in a weak voice. I smiled at her concern.

"Don't worry Rae, you won't." I reassured her, yet she still hesitated.

"Alright, just let me ask one question. And you must answer it truthfully!" she said, and I already knew where the conversation was heading. I nodded.

"Is your…problem…somehow about me?" she asked. Bingo!

"Yes." I answered shortly and blushed. She sighed and took her hand off me.

"So it's true." she said and shook her head, as if trying to wake up from a strange dream.

"BB…do you…like in a way…you know, not like a friend, but more?" she asked. I just loved how shy and cute she was. I knew I had to tell her the truth.

"Yes Raven. I love you." I finally confessed my feelings. An awkward silence settled between us.

"You know BB…for some days now…I've been thinking about you a lot. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it." Raven said. I felt sad for her. I didn't want to put her into a situation where she would have to choose between Robin and me. She deserved a lot better life than to have such problems.

"But…you and Robin?" I didn't know what to tell her. I knew I had a chance to finally convince her to try a relationship with me, but it somehow felt wrong. I didn't want to force her to give up a happy relationship just because of me. I didn't know, and I still don't think, that she would surely be happy with me.

"I know." she answered and sighed. We sat there for several minutes, saying a sentence or two from time to time. It soon turned out that she has had feelings for me since the first day we met. I was shocked to know how close I had been to dating this beauty. And I just missed the chance I had. If I had more courage, if I had just confessed my feelings sooner I could be now hug my dark love.

You might be wondering, what has happened since then. After all, one day isn't such a long time. You might even think that I have some hope to be with my love. But you'd be wrong. She loves Robin, not me. I saw her today embracing and kissing him on the lips passionately. It hurt me and the image of them is still in front of my eyes. My body's shaking and I'm starting to feel…numb. I don't understand why, but somehow my face and arms are cold and I can't feel them anymore. My breathing and heartbeat accelerates as if I'd be running. I don't know what's happening to me! I need to calm down somehow! And my eyes become fixated onthe razorblade on my desk

Everyone deserves a second chance! So why didn't I get one?

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A/N: Well, that's all. I know that everyone was out of character a lot, but…those of you who know me a bit more will understand. This is my experience written into the context of the Teen Titans. I just wanted to do this to help you understand my choices that I've made in the last few days. Oh, and by the way: I don't believe in RobxRae pairings. I'm a true fan of BBxRae.Well, reviews please. 


	2. It still hurts

A/N: Well, since the previous chapter was based on a real experience, which happened a couple of weeks ago, I really didn't want to continue, 'cause I really don't like to think about all this. But I'll try to tell you what's happened, once more from BB's POV.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans.

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**_…It still hurts _**

I'm sitting in my room, trying to remember what I had done just a few moments ago. What I've been doing for some weeks now. It was so familiar, yet every time new. The cutting.It is difficult to describe. Just like love. You can't really tell what's happening to you, you can't control it and you don't want to. You just submerge in the feeling, let it take over your body and soul until you're watching yourself do things you could never imagine.

If you'd asked me some months ago, what do I think of those who cut themselves, I would've said that they're people who can't take care of their problems, who are afraid to face the truths in their lives. Now I see that it's different. Now, that I'm doing it as well. A small lamp on my table provides just enough light for me to see the lines on my arms. Small lines carved into my skin, marks left from all the pain I feel. She's caused this. My dark angel, Raven, the only one I've ever loved more than life itself. Of course she doesn't know about this. Nobody does. Telling her that I love her was one thing, but this…this is wrong. I know, that I shouldn't be doing this, that it isn't helping, but I must cut myself. It helps me forget her for some time. In a sick way, I love doing this to myself. Yeah, I'm probably insane. And I don't care.

I know it's difficult to understand. Those who've never done it have no idea why would anyone do something like this. We've battled countless villains and we've been hurt just as many times. Yet I've never longed for the pain before. After the battle I didn't want to feel the pain again, though I knew that eventually I would. It comes with being a superhero and stuff like that. Hmm, superhero. That's what I'm supposed to be? Someone who sacrifices himself to save those who can't defend themselves? A selfless person, who despite all the odds and dangers throws away his fears and rushes forward to preserve justice? Is that what I should be like? I probably should be like that. And so much more. I should be a teenager, a friend, a lover. But I'm not. There's so much expected of me, yet I can't even breathe without her loving me! How can anybody possibly expect me to live like this and pretend that everything's just fine?

I don't mind pretending that I'm okay. Just as I can shift my body into any shape I want I can also change my mood. It's actually pretty easy. You're lying to everyone, even yourself. With some practice you can convince others to leave you alone. Alone. The word I fear so much. Yet the word isn't what I fear, but what it represents in my life. Loneliness, being abandoned. I'm scared of waking up to a day when there'll be no one beside me, no one to love me. I feel as small tears stream down my face when I'm writing this. I've started to write a diary. Dunno why, maybe to leave something behind when I'm gone. Some people say that writing down all the things that hurt your soul helps, but it doesn't help me. I force myself to relive all the pain I'd felt, when I'm writing. I have to recall all my failures, all the times I was too slow or afraid to act. My suffering stays with me and nothing can end it. Well, of course there's this cutting business.

A bloody ritual I keep repeating every day. There's no meaning in it, it just makes you want to hurt yourself more. Some of you might think that it is self-punishment, but it's not. Yes, I know that if I hadn't been so stupid I could be going out with Raven. It could be me kissing her sweet, soft lips, not Robin. I don't punish myself for failing. I can't change the past, so it's meaningless to think about what would've happened ifI would've done this and that. So why am I doing this to myself? I don't really know. There are too many reasons, and all of them together caused this. It's a way to relax, a way to forget what's reality and feel alive at the same time. It's love, hatred, anger, sorrow and pain combined in a single slash that opens up your skin. The beautiful small drops of blood appear almost instantly and you see how more and more of that lovely red liquid gathers up in the smallcut on your skin. After some time the drops of blood unite and create a red line. If you cut just the surface it ends here. The blood dries up and your skin heals. If you cut deeper the gash can become so full of blood that it starts to create streams. I just to love to see the drops of blood running down my skin, slowly but surely. It's even more beautiful after drying. And if you cut too deep…well, you know what could be the consequences. Death, or worse. Because there are far worse things in live than death. Death itself is a key to the door. It can release all the pain in single moment, take off the weight of living from your shoulders. I wish to die. There's nothing for me in this world. Nothing except for…

Hope. Even after she pushed me away and chose him instead of me I still hope. I don't know why, after all I'm notstupid to see how happy they're together. And still I hope that one day I'll be able to hug her, feel her body so close to mine that I would faint from happiness. I want to smell her hair, touch it, caress it, kiss it. I wish to look in her violet eyes and see that she loves me as much as I love her. I want to rub her back when she's sad, I want to see her smile every day, even if everything goes wrong. I want to touch her skin, so soft and smooth! I wouldn't stop kissing her lips until I needed to catch my breath again! I want to 'feel' her soul, to touch her life and become a part of it! I want to race with the wind, shout, tell the world what I feel towards her! I want…her love. Nothing more, just her love. It's a simple request, don't you think? After all, people give love every second, so it's no big deal, right? It's not like I want the world or anything like that. I just want her love to fill my heart, I want her to come to me and just be with me. I don't care about anything else in this world. I wouldn't care if everybody else would die if I could be with her.

I know I shouldn't think like this. Once again, a hero doesn't think this way. I could almost hear Robin telling me I should concentrate on keeping the city safe. Hell yeah, it's so damn easy for him to say that! He has Rae and her love, while I'm left here with nothing but my hatred! How could I save anyone if the only thing I consider important in my life is Raven?

All things pass in time. Nothing will remain forever and the same is said about love. But after two years of pain, thinking that the girl I love isnever gonna be mine, and then realizing that all of this was my fault…well, it's difficult to hope for a change. I can't leave the team. I know that it isn't forbidden, but this is the only place I can call home. I hope that there isn't eternal love. I can't live like this! I can't take all this pain anymore. And no matter how much it hurts, how much I wish my heart to stop beating I'm still alive. Thousands of people die every day. Murders, accidents and diseases kill every second. Why can't something kill me as well? Why do I have to live if I don't want to? I hate all those who say that life's a gift. This is supposed to be a 'gift'? This inability to shed tears, this lack of control, lack of compassion is a gift? No, death's the ultimate gift. Too bad people don't appreciate it enough. They hang on to their lives. I understand why. Because they know what does it feel when you're loved. I'm not speaking about parental love, or love between siblings, but true, pure love towards someone you hadn't before. Someone who isn't a member of your family, someone who didn't know you, yet would die for you. That's what they have. Love. Or at least a memory of it. They have the knowledge that they are important to someone, that there would be someone to cry for them if they died. It's easier to live like that. I don't pretend to think that life's all fun and games. There's so much negativity in it, it almost hurts to see where this 'civilization' is going. Everything's becoming a race, where there are only winners and losers. Winners claim the prize, while the losers are left all alone in a dark corner where they become consumed by themselves. Of course you can't win all the time, but to always lose what you want the most can be very disappointing. And to lose the thing that meant your life because of your own stupid fault…that's the worst.

When I feel that this could've been better, that I'd had a chance that I passed…I just can't control all the bitterness within me. It's too much, I can't bare to look at myself anymore in the mirror. I fear that I might punch the glass, break that image. A freak is staring back at me. A freak not because of the green skin, eyes and hair. Not because of the shapeshifting ability. A freak because I can feel it in my heart. I know I'm not normal, that I need help, that it hurts. But in the same time I just keep pushing myself deeper into this pit, I keep cutting myself until there's no more free space on my arms. I cut my shoulders, legs, chest, neck, hands, anywhere. I love this pain. Its softness reminds me of Raven. Another cut and the stench of blood is like her beautiful scent, the sweet smell of her violet hair. I lick the blood dripping out from one of the wounds. A kiss, Raven's lips touching mine, her tongue meets mine. They play like little children on a sunny day, running around in our mouths. Tears appear in the corners of my closed eyes again. The beauty of all this…it can't be matched. Although I know these are just dreams, visions, they are a lot better than the cold reality.

I open my eyes and the tears held back now escape, making their way down, stopping on the lips, and then quietly continuing further down. I look at the razorblade, peacefully resting in my bloody hand. Almost my entire body is covered by cuts, all of them pouring my blood. What a mess! But it was worth it. To forget her and dream about her, to leave her behind and see her at the same time…only it can bring me the peace I need. And peace can be achieved only through pain.

I slowly dress up. I try to clean the bloody pages of my diary. It was the victim of my previous 'dreaming', catching most of the crimson liquid. Hmm, I think it won't complain. I won't complain either. This is my secret, my burden. I want the help of others, but I'll never ask for it and if they offer to talk I'll push them away. I can't be helped. No one can save me, except for a single person in the entire universe. A single life, soul, beating heart, a single being in the chaos and the stream of life. The only safe point in my broken existence: Raven. But she'stoo far away from me to even see her light. Once I saw it, once I was close enough to grab her hand, pull her close and tell her how much I love her.

But I've missed my only chance. And that mistake still haunts me…it still hurts.

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A/N: Wow, you can't even imagine how bad it felt to write this. Tell me, what did you think? Should I try to continue or not? As I said this is all 'live experience', as I'm going through this right now. I don't know how will all of this be solved, or if it'll ever be solved. All I know is that the feelings written in the story are mostly mine. Thanks for reading, hope you liked it at least a bit. Please review. 


	3. Whispers In A Storm

A/N: Okay, I'll end this story here. This chapter won't be based on reality, but my dreams.

Disclaimer: Don't even ask! You already know the answer.

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**_Whispers In A Storm_**

I'm tired. So very tired. I haven't slept for three days now. No matter how much I tried, I still couldn't forget her. And believe me, I tried! Really! Food, games, joking … nothing was able to even cloud the memory of her. Yes, that's all I have left of her. A blurry memory, nothing more. I remember … or at least I think I remember, we used to be friends. Close ones. So close it almost seemed as if we were lovers. I remember she used to smile at me. I used to smile. She used to laugh. Now I can't laugh anymore. She used to be dark, pessimistic and depressed. Now I am everything she was.

I wonder how was she able to live like this for as long as she did. I guess not knowing what happiness all your life is a lot better, than knowing happiness and then losing it. I've made my peace with her long ago. I've abandoned all hopes.

Still, I wonder how could I get to this point? The last few years seem to be so chaotic, no meaning in anything I've done. I've fallen in love, loved, got rejected. I was broken. I hurt myself, I cut myself. I've bled so many times, I've wasted so many nights, crying into the pillows while my love was kissing someone else. I've wasted my life. I was prepared to give her more than I had ever believed I could, but she didn't need my love, my sacrifices. She didn't need me. No. She DOESN'T need me! Nobody does.

_Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly!_

_Hopelessly, I'll give you everything!_

_But I won't give you up!_

_And I won't let you down!_

_And I won't leave you falling,_

_If the moment ever comes._

Music yells at me in my room, almost deafening me to everything else. Almost. It can't block out my thoughts of her, and the more I listen to the lyrics the more I fall into the shadowy depression that has become my second home. You wouldn't recognize me. Even I get scared sometimes when I look into the mirror in the morning. The pale skin, cold eyes, messy hair. Yeah, I've changed quite a lot. Everything has changed.

Yet in the same everything's the same as before. We're still a team. Rae and Robin are still going out, just as months ago. I'm still cutting myself. But there is something … I can't really tell what … but there's a dark cloud filling our hearts now. We talk less and less with each other. We no longer celebrate victories. Everything seems to have fallen apart. The thing that made me realize this was the change in Starfire's behavior. I can recall her image from the beginning. Her long red hair, always shining in the sunlight. Her smile that seemed to make every day a happy one. Her cute innocence, the way she struggled to understand the life around her. I guess I can relate to what she has gone through. She was also in love with someone. She was also broken when Robin and Raven started dating. Others haven't noticed, but I saw every now and then small tears appearing in her eyes when she saw them kissing.

I can recall what she used to look like, what she used to do. And I never thought that she could fall into such a deep depression as she did. She spends most of her time inside her room. She's so silent, that it's almost a miracle if she says even one sentence to either of us. She stopped wearing pink clothes, instead she started wearing black ones. She threw away all of her make-up and anything that used to be a part of her happy attitude. She has even started drinking. A lot. She usually comes home drunk late at night. Once I've even found her sleeping in a pool of her own vomit. Poor girl. She's lost it. And when I look at the cuts on my arms I can't help, but think that the two of us are completely the same.

_Hide from the mirror – the cracks and the memories_

_Hide from your family – they won't know you now_

_For all the holes in our souls host no thrills_

_Who you were_

_Was so beautiful_

_Remember who_

_Who you were_

I'm once again trying to fall asleep. But I know I won't be able to rest tonight either. A plan has taken all my attention. I've finally found a way out of this mess. For both me and Starfire. Probably it won't be the best possible way, but in our current situation there's no better solution. I'm turning around in my bed, curiosity's taking me over again. I have to see it once more. I can't rest until I touch it, until I feel the cold surface, until I imagine the quick pain it'll cause. So I get up and reach under my bed. I search for a while, but soon find what I'm so eagerly looking for I pull out the pistol and start observing it.

_Destroy the spineless!_

_Show me it's real_

_Wasting our last chance_

_To come away_

_Just break the silence!_

_'Cause I'm drifting away_

_Away from you_

Finally, the time has arrived. Star and me are alone in the tower. I don't know where are the others and I really don't care anymore. It doesn't matter anymore. It'll soon be all over. Just a few more minutes.

I go to her room. The door's open, so I look inside. Star isn't there, so I go up to the roof. After Raven and Robin got together she came here every night to look at the stars. She used to sit quietly on the ground, resting her head on her knees as she huddled. Once again I find her in this position. I come closer and sit down next to her. She doesn't even look at me. We sit this way for several minutes.

"Hi Star." I finally break the silence.

"Hi." a short reply comes. I notice that snow's staring to fall.

"What are you doing here?" I ask a really stupid question. She just sighs.

"Nothing." once again a cold answer. I see that it's hopeless to start a conversation with her.

"Star. I know how you feel. Believe me." I slowly start. Starfire finally shifts her attention to me and I see tears falling from her sad eyes.

"If you want … we can end this … now." I can hardly believe what I'm saying. I know she understands what I'm proposing, but she isn't sure if she heard me right. I can see the confusion in her eyes.

"What do you mean Beast Boy?" she asks me. I pull out the pistol from my pocket and show it to her. It feels as if I was offering her a cake, or giving her a gift. She opens her mouth and wants to say something. Fear and surprise settles on her face and she once again looks deeply in my eyes. I guess she finally understands I'm serious. Deadly serious. A small smile appears on her face and she nods.

_Look to the stars_

_Let hope burn in your eyes_

_And we'll love_

_And we'll hope_

_And we'll die_

_All to no avail_

_All to no avail_

Now we face each other. I feel the chilling cold as the snow falls heavily, snowflakes cover Star's hair. Somehow I find it cute. I smile at her and she smiles back at me. She holds the pistol in her hand and I see she's still hesitating. Perhaps she's thinking over her life, trying to find a reason not to do this, a reason to live. After a while she finally looks at me.

"Goodbye Beast Boy. Thank you for everything." I hear her weak words and she smiles one last time. I smile back and she raises the gun. She places it right to her head and suddenly pulls the trigger.

She's gone. Forever. She fell down and stopped existing. Everything she had once been, all the words she had said, all those times she had laughed: they are over. Nothing, but a memory. And I know that this will be my fate as well. Soon. I walk to her lifeless body. As I take out the gun from her hand I can still feel her warm body. As if she was alive. But I see that she isn't breathing anymore. I place a small kiss on her cheek. Just for a last goodbye.

And now I'm standing out here in the cold. It's a beautiful night to die. So calm. I put the gun to my head. Just one little movement and it'll all be over. Just pull that trigger. I finally know what was my life. A waste. A waste of energy. All the food I ate, all the words I've said and heard, all the things I bought: all of it was wasted. Now, in the end, it's meaningless. None of it can change what I'm about to do and nothing will change what the others are gonna feel when they find our bodies here. Hmm, I guess I can see the logic in Raven's philosophy. Everything's meaningless. Because in the end you know that none of it really matters.

Should I pull the trigger? I should. And I do…

_Birds flying high you know how I feel_

_Sun in the sky you know how I feel_

_Reeds drifting on by you know how I feel_

_It's a new dawn, it's new day, it's a new life for me_

_And I'm feeling good_

_Fish in the sea you know how I feel_

_River running free you know how I feel_

_Blossom in the trees you know how I feel_

_It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me_

_And I'm feeling good_

_Dragonflies all out in the sun_

_You know what I mean, don't you know_

_Butterflies are all having fun_

_You know what I mean_

_Sleep in peace_

_When the day is done_

_And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me_

_Stars when you shine you know how I feel_

_Scent of the pine you know how I feel_

_Yeah freedom is mine_

_And you know how I feel_

_It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's new life for me_

_And I'm feeling good_

_Freer than you_

_Feeling good

* * *

_

A/N: That's all. Thanks for reading.


	4. Out here

A/N: Just a short poem I wrote some time ago. Didn't know where to put it, but I guess it kinda fits into the story. Enjoy.

* * *

_**Out here**_

It's so cold out here, the snow is falling

Down from the heavens, my angel's calling

Not much left out here: memories and pain

All your joy and peace that drives me insane

I'm standing out here, you're too far away

I've forgotten all I wanted to say

I'm freezing out here! Wind is as chilling

As words hurt me and continue killing.

I'm dying out here! Why did you leave me?

Maybe when I'm gone you will believe me

I'm staying out here. Still feeling lonely

I could survive, if you'd try to love me


End file.
